Loose Change

I always seem to have loose change in the hip pocket of my jacket , yet always end up breaking a bill instead of using it. It seems the process of reaching down into the pocket and singling out the correct coinage is too Herculean an effort for me to put myself through. Sooooo eventually the pocket becomes all heavy and dimply, sticking out like an extra cellulitic love handle over my authentic love handle. Then the coinage gets dumped into a ziplock bag to hibernate there with other exiled coins till the next I'dratherpokeaforkinmyeyethandothis coin count surprises me (every time) with the most unexpected sum of a couple of hundred dollars, since I always understimate how much money it could add up to.

Why am I starting off the first blog of 2010 talking about this? Danged if I know, but I think the story has something to do with some concepts that have been circling my orb lately, the concepts of a) initiative and b) belief. Two critical weapons in the Fighting Your Fear Arsenal, and two qualities that go swirling down the drain for me come Winter..because-speaking of orbs- during this town's Winter we can go without seeing that yellow ball in the sky for weeks on end. And in my experience, there is a direct relationship between hours of sunlight and the desire to um, take initiative and ..um ..believe. The sunnier it is , the more I want to get off my butt.To fight fear.
Ok now I have tied everything together..how clever!

Near the end of the holidays, as I entered the downtown Canada Line station, a swell of harried shoppers spewed forth at the top of the exit escalator, spraying into different directions with an intensity of purpose that could only be explained by something like or maybe the actual Godzilla being on the platform below them.In full pursuit.
As they flashed by me, a homeless man was somehow managing to walk slowly amidst the chaos and as he passed me, without breaking stride or looking at me he said "change". Not "do you have some change" or " got any spare change" or " i could get a cuppa coffee if you give me some change". Just "change" . I thought it was cool that he had reduced his request down to a shorthand version and sensed he was just fed up with the routine and was just going to fire out the one word. It sped me back to the moment when my son was little, wanted the butter passed to him at the kitchen table during dinner, and simply blurted out " BUTTER!". It surprised us all so much,after the years of table manners we had pounded into his sweet little twin-crowned head, that we just passed it over to him, dumbstruck.(Probably a glare was involved too.) Zoom back to the present (sorry , this is starting to feel like Avatar, with the alternate universes and time changes and all) and this was the same feeling I got when the old man said "CHANGE."
Both he and his word were pulled ahead by the crowd before I could contemplate if I had any loose change (sometimes there are only pennies , I prefer to use coins with some machismo, either toonies or loonies) and whether I should give it to him.
But then I had this idea that maybe this meeting was meant to send me a New Year's message, that he was kinda like a prophet of sorts, scaled down version.."Change!!"..ie, get your ass in gear , dare to be, and dare to do things differently if the way you are doing things isnt working for you (God, I sound like Dr Phil now)- even if that gosh darn ol' sun is not showing its orb or face or pantylines or whatever it is you want it to show.
That was the first message.
The second one was yesterday, when my 4 year old granddaughter asked me to carry her on my shoulders up the stairs. Not on my back, horsey style like we usually do (complete with my surprisingly authentic neighing), but she wanted to be literally on top of my shoulders. I told her I wasnt strong enough to do this. She said "Daddy can carry me on his shoulders" and I said " Yes, but your daddy is strong". To which she replied- with more inspirational impact than she will ever know -" But you're strong too, Girl!" It made me laugh out loud ...and then it made me think...

I rest my case. It's the new year, I send you big wishes that it is an amazing one for you all and sincerely hope that subsequent blogs here will hold tales of how I was able to incorporate the wisdom of a homeless man and a 4 year old and a pocket of loose change into how I decided to 'bring it' in 2010..mmm that sounds quite tasty.

"This is the beginning of a new day.God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it-or use it for good, but what I do today is important, because I am exchanging a day of my life for it! When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something I have traded for it. I want it to be gain, and not loss; good, and not evil, success, and not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price I have paid for it." - Dr. Heartsill Wilson